paragraph 6 /1997 the year was heaven

The doubt that I saw in his face was unlike any I'd seen before. He was angry that night I could tell as I heard him yelling 2 rooms away. I don't remember being scared but mad at him for the things he had said moments before, I remember hating him more and more as I thought about what he said to me what he asked what he shouted. I was seven years old the first day I was able to stay at my parents house for the first time in almost 2 years. It was a beautiful place it was the perfect size for a family of 3 except there were four of us when counting me. I didn't know them I didn't understand there habbits and I didn't want to understand them. I guess I've always been that way
Maybe its a bad thing maybe its just a natural thing with me I can recall other times I've felt this way in my life time. I walked to a room they said was mine but I had never been there before it was decorated for someone that was 5 and still a boy I was 7 and becoming a man I stood on my own two feet and for two years had survived without them why would they care for me now why would they pretend to love me when I could tell they were distant all they did was pretend. I remember when I walked into my sister room her room was a typical girls room full of stuffed animals and such I didn't understand why it was she could be with them and not me I guess I actually did understand the only thing that made me upset was that they didn't know me not anymore. When my mom said hello to me I could hear the hesitation in her words she asked me if I wanted something to drink I asked for a soda she gave me orange juice, since that day I've hated orange juice. My dad wasn't home at the time but there was one thing in my room that caught my eye it was a blue bicycle I got excited and felt maybe when he got home he would finish teaching me I got so excited that I started blasting the ramones for about 4 minuteds before my mom told me to turn the music off I asked why not to be rude but because she never had a problem with me listening to music before but then again that was before she got sick. Sometimes I've felt that maybe they just didn't like me or that most of there problems were because of me maybe my dad didn't want o be there maybe my mom felt sorry for herself ever night before she would go to sleep she would look in the mirror and stare back at me and smile I was waiting for her to smile that afternoon and she didn't. She didn't really have many emotions it was around 7 pm that night and my dad was getting home from work, I waited in the front of the steps to ask him if he could teach me how to ride a bike he said "maybe tmrw we have all the time in the world you know" I didn't believe him when he said that I felt that he was lieing and I was right. I've learned that I can only trust few people in this world and it almost makes me sad that my own father isn't one of them. That night I was watching toy story room in my room when I heard a noise it was coming from the kitchen my mom and dad were yelling really load as I walked closer to them I could hear there voices screeching like a magnificent crow lerking its pray I wanted to stop myself from going into the room
Something told me something was wrong
I had that feeling for the first time that night they had been fighting for some obscene reason and I didn't understand them I didn't know them so I decided to ask what was wrong my dad looked at me and said "I bet he's part of the lie to he probably isn't even mine" I looked at him right in the eye as he said that to me all the attention I wanted from them for so long I finally had it my center spotlight you could say but for all the wrong reasons they didn't want me with them they had lied to me and it wasn't what he said that made me so mad it was the fact that they lied about wanting me. My grandmother told me that day in the morning before I left her house she said everything was going to be okay she said I could trust her but then at that point when I was standing there in the kitchen not knowing what to think all my brain would replay was that my grandmother had let me down she asked me to trust her and I did and it was all a lie. I felt like nobody wanted me arround it made me so mad that my dad would question if I was his I didn't hate him for it but I wouldn't allow him to insult my mother in that way I lost all respect for him that night he said some of the most hateful words but that's not what made me upset come to think of it I don't know that I'm upset with him I didn't know him and maybe it was the fact that I hadn't been with them in so long they forgot who I was or why I was there. I remember his eyes after he said what he had said he was teary eyed ashamed he knew what he had done was wrong he hate hurt a person he claimed to have loved at least once before in his life I feel indifferent towards him now I remember that days after I tried to have a conversation with him I asked him why he thought I wasn't his son all he would do is change the subject he was scared because he knew he was wrong deep down inside he had made a terrible choice in saying what he said I knew he wanted to take it back I knew he wanted to ask me for forgiveness at first I was mad but now I'm just dissapointed because he lost my trust in him that day and he won't ever fully have it back. I could never trust a liar and I won't ever have too I choice to surround myself with people who are geniune. I've always been able to spot a liar well all except for one, the one person who's Disappointed me the most in this world. In the end it was only the beginning of 1997 and as I walked away from the kitchen that night I decided I didn't want to be where I was. The next morning I went back to my grandmas house and when i got there she said she was sorry she didn't want to hurt me she just wanted me to see if I could be with the people she thought would be better for me
All I said to her that morning and that entire day was that I was sorry for being a burden but that I wouldn't apologize for being who I was. She smiled at me and said "it'll take time but trust me hebert they'll realize that nobody could ever fill the void you leave behind, you aren't like most people, the truth is that no one will ever love more than you and one day someone will make you smile and that happiness you bring to me is what you'll bring to that person. You know out of all my children, grandchildren and out of all the people I met in my entire life ..well honey your the one I think about the most your my favorite person your kind of wonderful that's what you are" for the most part my grandmother was probably speaking from the bottom of her heart I now know the last line is from a song but nevertheless she was probably right about most things she's one of those people that usually is.......